Springs

Love is not a still well, waiting for the thirsty to dip in and be quenched.

Love is a spring that flows into a stream, always emptied, always filled.

Should the emptying cease, the flowers would be flooded.

Should the filling cease, the land would be desert. 

***

Each of us seeking a life of love must recognize that we are not love.  Love flows through us. We must seek a source of love and an outlet of love.

Our source might be divine, it might be a community of support, it might be powerful writing, it might be meditation.  We must seek our source, or else our love will wither.  This source is Spirit, it is that outside of us which enlivens the best within ourselves.

At times our source will wither, and we receive nothing from our once-dependable flow of love. We must seek another.  We must not demand a source to continually provide us with love.  They gave us love as long as they had it.  A specific source must be allowed to be re-charged or, at times, to pass away.  Then we seek another source.

***

It is just as essential for us to find a place to give our love.  We must allow the love within us to be firmly attentive to others who need us as a source of love.  We give because we can give; we forgive because we wish to heal; we protect because we are family members.  Love is action that says, "Live! Live and thrive!"

It is in this giving that love flourishes. If we receive love in gallons, but offer it in thimblefuls, then we do not ever know we have love.  We are constantly feeling a lack, always seeking to be filled.  We must have a balance between receiving and giving.

***
To be a spring of love is to both receive and give, to be a container through which love passes.  We take from one source and so become a source to another container who then passes on to another.  True love is not a loving person, but a community of springs, all providing for one another.

Against Hate

It is not enough to be reactionary. 

Criticism, protest, satire points out what is wrong, but cannot, by itself, create what is right.

In order to make a better world, we must form community based on love.

Devoid

It is seeking refreshment
in an ocean of salt.

It is looking for truth
on a flat, black canvas.

It is lingering hope
in a hangman's knot.

It is piercing one's heart
and all pass by.

It is deep conversation
at a drive-thru speaker.

A life devoid of love
is less than a shadow in a mirror.

The Good, the True and the Loving

We will disagree about what is good and what is true. There is only one best in a given situation, and only one truth, but our viewpoint on that changes somewhat from the perspective we look at it. To pursue the good or truth alone is to engage in endless arguments.

The closest to truth we will ever achieve to place love first in our lives. The closest to good we will ever see is allowing love to become more and more prevalent in our actions.

Pursue love, not truth.

9 Biblical Principles to Exorcise our Greed

I have a secret to tell you: 

If you are reading this blog, you are probably wealthy.  

I’m not saying absolutely, because I know a number of people who are homeless who might be reading this, and I also know people who are living on the edge of poverty, by their own choice, who scan blogs to read.  But, probably, you have more than you need. 

The Bible makes a difference in their definition of “people who have wealth” and “the rich”, while in English we tend to put the two together.  “Wealth” in the Bible is anything we have that goes beyond what we need.  So most of us reading this essay have “wealth”, something more than what we need.  We might have sentimental trinkets or extra food in the house or items we keep “just in case” we might need it someday.   “The rich” are those who keep such items in order to accumulate their wealth, what used to be known in English “hoarders”, “the stingy” or “greedy.”  Nowadays, “hoarders” are people who collect mostly useless items to their own detriment.  And the other two terms are used to speak of people’s motivation, not what they actually have.

The Bible, when speaking of moral matters, is very clear about having actions that display a moral or immoral attitude.  If a person has covetousness, it is accompanied by a “look of lust”, which in the ancient world was also called an “evil eye”, or a lingering gaze of desire.  Even so, greed is indicated by a mass collection of possessions, whether it be silver, horses, wives, or grain.  These possessions could be excused by a desire to protect one’s retirement, to provide security against future attacks or to empower oneself in the world, whether for good or ill.

This means that, in all probability, we are “rich”.  We keep and save wealth against a future of calamity, like getting old.  A few of us have more than ample possessions or monies for ourselves or our family.  We want to protect ourselves against “love of money” or worship of “mammon”, but the fact is, many of us have every indication that we dove into a sea of that love and can’t recognize that we are drowning in it.

Thankfully, the whole Bible gives us a path to escape such immoral love.

1.       Don’t cheat

In all our ways we should have integrity.  Not just honesty, not just faithfulness to our promises, but integrity.  We should never take from someone what we want for ourselves, unless they openly give it to us.  We shouldn’t take for ourselves what doesn’t really belong to us, but belongs to the public or the poor.  We should be careful with possessions or money whose ownership is questionable.  This goes especially for donated money.  We must be above board, careful.  We don’t have to prove our integrity to the world, but we should be able to prove it to God.

2.       Don’t harm the poor
In gathering wealth, we should do nothing to harm the poor.  Many companies and governments are careless about how they help the poor, harming them without knowledge so that they might obtain wealth.  Many companies and non-profits actually target the poor, using them as pawns or as dupes in a long-range con game.  This includes banks who charge the poor but give to the wealthy, police who ticket the homeless but give more “important” citizens a wink.  We must not invest in these groups or support them in order to obtain our wealth or possessions.   Those who participate in scalping the poor for the sake of wealth are called “oppressors”.

3.       Don’t take short cuts

The book of Proverbs frequently warns against “hasty” wealth.  This isn’t because one might get cheated in a con (although that is certainly true), but because hasty wealth is often a cheat and we may not even know where the wealth is coming from.  This could be buying a bicycle inexpensively on the street corner or investing in something that is “too good to be true” to buying out a company for a quick turnaround and profit.  Get rich quick schemes always leave victims.

4.       Be content with little
Often we think about having a huge house with all the food we could want with people to help us clean the fridge every once in a while.  We want a movie collection and a video game library and… well, you know.  And some of us actually get what we want.  Or quite a bit of it.  And because we have dreamed about it for so long, we hold these items very precious.  But the Bible counsels us to be content with what we need.  This doesn’t mean to be happy with less than we need.  We shouldn’t be content with starvation or living out in the cold.  But if we have what we need, we shouldn’t keep wanting more.  We shouldn’t keep striving for needs that are already met, whether that  be possessions or security or good relationships.

5.       Trust in God

When the Bible tells us to trust, it isn’t just some pie-in-the-sky spiritual mumbo jumbo.  It is specifically telling us to trust God in the very areas we are afraid of.  We are afraid that if we don’t have enough money we will lose our home or our car.  We are afraid that if someone gets a certain political or job position, it places us poorly.  We are afraid for our kid’s future, for our future, for what may happen if a burglar comes in.  The Bible tells us not to fear, but to trust in God for all of these things.  This is important to avoiding greed because we collect many things, not because we need them, but we are afraid of the consequences if we don’t have them.  To trust in God is to give Him our future, our worries and to rest on being content with what we actually need.

6.       Share what you have
Okay, now it’s time for the rubber to meet the road.  To not be greedy means specifically not to grasp onto things someone else could use.  This means, first, to share what we own with people who need to borrow them.  Yes, this may mean that your possessions could be damaged or taken.  But this is where trust comes in.  If someone actually needs an item, we need to give them the use of it.  We could loan our car to someone who needs to move.  We could take a spare room and loan it to someone who needs a place to crash.  And if we have anything extra, we should be willing to share whatever that is.

7.       Be generous
The Bible tells us that it is key to our humanity to be generous.  If we give someone wages, from an employee to a tip at a restaurant, we should give more than we need to.  If we give to a beggar, we shouldn’t be stingy.  We should be generous with compliments, generous with thanks, generous with encouragement.  If we have extra food, extra clothes, extra time, extra time, extra space in our house or building, we should be thinking about who should be given these things, who needs them the most.  And then we should give cheerfully.

8.       Seek out the poor
“The poor” in the Bible is anyone who has need of something, whether they put themselves in the situation or they fell into it.  The “poor” are those in need, not those who look like they are in need or those who pull your heartstrings, but those who really lack food, clothing, respect, security, love, hope.  When we run across these people, we are to give.  We know this.  But more than this, we are to seek these people out.  Along with a generous spirit, we are to seek those who have need.  Many of us don’t know anyone who is desperate.  Then we should go out of our way to find them.  This may mean we need to contact people out of our town in order to be generous to those in need.  It may mean we need to open our eyes and ask people about their needs.  But even as Job or Lot wouldn’t allow a single person in his town to be without shelter, we should seek people out who might need our help. Jesus tells us to make friends of the poor, so they are loved by us and we can be generous to them-- thus the poor are saving our souls. 

9.       Do everything with love

For a long time, I followed these principles above.  And I tried to do them with love.  But I had no balance in my life, so love was often lost.  But without love, we might be devoid of greed  but still lack true generosity of spirit.  It is better to be giving than to be stingy with what we have.  But it is far better to allow the Spirit of God to infuse us with God’s love, mercy and generosity.  It is not enough for us to avoid greed.  We must also be surrendering our love at every turn. 

If you're one of those Bible thumpers, here's some verses to get you going on this subject:

Luke 19:1-10; Luke 12:13-34; Psalm 37; Mark 10:17-27; Matthew 25:31-46; Hebrews 13:5; Matthew 6:19-24; James 5:1-6; Proverbs 22:16; Prov 11:24; Prov 28:22; Prov 23:4; Proverbs 13:11; Luke 16; I Corinthians 16:14. 

And then...

And then, all that has divided us will merge.
And then compassion will be wedded to power
And then softness will come to a world that is harsh and unkind
And then both men and women will be gentle
And then both men and women will be strong
And then no person will be subject to another's will
And then all will be rich and free and varied
And then the greed of some will give way to the needs of the many
And then all will share equally in the Earth's abundance
And then all will care for the sick and the weak and the old...

-Judy Chicago

If we seek only eternal life, our eschatology is too small.

Unless we seek the redemption of relationship, of love, of the church, of God Himself, then we are looking too small.

We must be continually dissatisfied with the earth, continually praying, continually seeking until we find the path of love for all, in all, of all, over all the earth. 

If we only seek heaven, our eschatology is too small.  Remember, Satan was in heaven until he was thrown out, seeking the judgment and hatred of even the most righteous man on earth. Heaven itself must be redeemed. It is not enough to be placed in the spirit realm.  We must long for eternal love in all places, even places that cannot be reached from earth except through the Holy Spirit.

We know this new hope begins at the cross.  What is the next step?  What is today's action to allow this eschatology to be imparted?

On Holy Artifacts

There are no holy books.

There are no holy places.

There are no holy objects, no holy artifacts, no holy clothing.

A single artifact can be used to bring someone to God or to rape a child. The same book or phrase can be used to stir love or hate. The best an object can be is potentially holy, not objectively so.

The Spirit infuses in us a desire and drive and energy toward compassion, love and mercy. We choose to obey that drive and so produce a holy, compassionate act. A holy act of love can lead to a holy, merciful habit. A holy habit can become a holy, loving life.

Father, deliver us from those who use what seems to be holy to produce unloving action.

Why the Church Is Destined to Die

Jesus will never fail.  Because Jesus is love, and love never fails, never ends.  

The church-- the structure that is organized and built and established in every community in the Western world-- will fail and must, if Jesus is true. 

The gaze of the church is not the focus of Jesus.

The church gazes at the sanctuary.
   The sanctuary is the center of worship, It is the place where God can be honored in holiness, in order, in serenity, in respect.  The church quiets the chaos, keeps out unholiness, establishes an orderly worship to honor God with.

Jesus creates chaos in the sanctuary.
   He comes to the sanctuary and sees that the church, in their zeal for honor, have excluded the very people God desires in His presence. Love is messy, crazy, unpredictable.  In demanding the predictable, the church has excluded love.  And so Jesus comes to the sanctuary and turns tables, throws out those who oppose love, rejects the policies that exclude the marginalized.

The church gazes at proper doctrine.
   Belief is the glue of the church, the formation of communities, the agreement through which bonds are formed.  Doctrine is the foundation of the church, the truth from which all else flows, the basis of ethics, praxis and organization.

Jesus insists upon mystery

Jesus spoke in riddles,  wrapped himself in enigmas and taught in paradoxes.  Jesus’ mystified metaphysics, and confused clarity.  Jesus clarified one thing only: mercy, compassion, humility, sacrifice and love.  He didn’t insist on clarity about God, but he demanded a lifestyle of caring.

Because the church focuses on worship, order and doctrine, they marginalize love.  This doesn't mean that love can't be found in the church, it often can.  In every church building we can find those who focus on love, who sacrifice themselves for the needy and pour themselves out for compassion, just like Jesus.  But this isn't the fault of the church.  Jesus is able to train those who use the places of worship to lives of love, but the church wants to train those of Jesus’ love to worship and believe the correct way. 

• True worship is an outgrowth of truly loving the marginalized, not the other way around.
• True doctrine is a result of creating communities of justice, not the other way around.
• We need to stop building worship centers and start building community centers that have places of worship.
• We need to stop building seminaries, expecting theologians to become compassionate, rather we need to build schools of peacemaking and expect them to become God-oriented.

Why will the church die?

Because the world has grown to realize what the church has not: that it is deeply hypocritical.  That Jesus founded the church to focus on love, but the church neglects love.  Even when a church is “welcoming”, the world recognizes that it is a concession to love in order to draw more worshipers.

Until “seeker services” look for lovers instead of worshipers, the church will fade.

And the church of worship and doctrine must die so that Jesus might live in the world.

Exercising Compassion

I hear a lot about needing love for oneself before giving to others. It is true that if we are emotionally exhausted or overtaxed that it is all the more difficult to give to others with sincerity and love.

But I find that the most frequent block between us and loving others isn't lack of self love, but a lack of reaching out to others. Compassion is a muscle, and the less we use it, the less we understand it. We can build this muscle up, strengthen it and build it. But if we don't exercise it, force ourselves to build it up, then it will never come naturally. For many of us, our minds naturally gravitate toward judgment and feeling put upon. To remain in that place is simple laziness or ignorance.

Here are some compassion exercises we can do to strengthen our mind to be closer to Jesus':

-Every time a judging thought about another enters our heads, let's think of the suffering they endure, and how they can be healed.

-Whenever we feel put upon by another, let's consider how God might use that circumstance to build us up in love.

-If there is a person we feel disgusted by, let's think about their lives and how they might have ended up in that circumstance.

-For every person we want to punish, let's consider how love might change their lives.

-When we watch movies, rate it's compassion. See if the drama would be greatly decreased if love were more involved (which would make a poor movie, perhaps, but an easier real life situation)

-Give generously. Start with once a week, then increase it to daily until you find that it is a regular practice. 

-Think about what you have that you don't need. Then think about who could use it. Then give it to them.

-Be generous with your emotions. Laugh with people, thank people, compliment people. Practice with strangers, like store clerks, and then move on to people who ask you for money on the street.

Is God Love?

God claims to be compassionate, but in the Bible we see him be cruel.

                God sends the angel of death to kill all the Egyptians first-born sons

God claims to be forgiving, but we see him be petty.

                God kills a man for touching the ark of the covenant to settle it when he wasn’t the right person to touch it.

God claims to be gracious, but we see him be harsh.

                God commands death for small crimes, such as picking up sticks on the Sabbath.

God claims to be good, but we see him be evil.

                God commands the genocide—killing of men, women and children as well as animals—of entire nations.

Yes, God is shown to be loving as well. 

                God delivers an undeserving nation from slavery.

                God forgives a man for murder and adultery.

                God provides food for the hungry.

                God raises children from the dead.

                God pays the debt of a widow.

                God establishes a great nation out of nobodies.

But the very nation God established was patriarchal, bloodthirsty and warring. 

They’re ancestral heroes are lying, cheating and disloyal.

I’d like to say that there is an error in the Bible.

  That some events were attributed to God when they really weren’t.

  That people penned God’s name to sayings he never said.

  That God experimented in different methods to train humans to love, and many of them failed.

  That God could do what humans could not do because He was creator.

But these are all excuses for an unloving God, or, at best, a God that was learning how to love.

  A God who did not know what compassion, grace, forgiveness and good really meant.

  Or a God who was sorely, even deceitfully, misrepresented.

Frankly, I just don’t know.

But this I do know:

The God I worship, adore, obey and imitate is displayed in full glory in Jesus.

Jesus is the perfect demonstration of the love of God.

Jesus is the God who transforms the occasionally harsh law into pure love.

Jesus is the God who heals the sick and feeds the hungry.

Jesus is the God who supports the poor.

Jesus is the God who welcomes the sinner.

Jesus is the God who sacrifices himself for the sake of the world.

Jesus is the God who forgives completely, without punishment.

Jesus is the God who exuberantly, abundantly, enthusiastically loves.

And there is no other God but the God whom we see in Jesus.

Jesus is the complete fulfillment of the Hebrew Scriptures.

Jesus turns deceit into Truth.

Jesus turns disloyalty into Faithfulness.

Jesus turns selfishness into Sacrifice.

And Jesus turns a broken God into a God broken for us.

In Jesus we see the Compassionate, the Gracious, the Merciful, the Forgiving.

This is the God I love, the God I seek, the God I pray to.

There is no other.

The Loves of God

Most of us love a whole bunch of people. It’s how we’re built—we are built to love others and to have others love us. Sometimes we have a hard time knowing how to love others, but that’s what we’re meant to do. But for all those we love, we don’t love everyone the same. The love we give to our spouse isn’t the same love we give to our children, or to our parents or to our country or to our friends or our neighbor or the good-looking stranger we meet on the street. We may care for them all and have their benefit in mind when we do something for them, but the actual actions and love we have for each of them is different.

In the same way, God loves people differently. He has different kinds of loves for the different relationships he has with different people. We can look at different people and each of them has a different relationship with God.

Who Does God Care For?

God cares for everyone, all humanity. God doesn’t love just some people—he loves everyone. God displays his care on most of creation, but humanity is his crowning achievement, his greatest creation on work, and God loves every single one of us. He sees us for what we are—all of our weaknesses and our disgusting habits—and he loves us. He wants us just like we are.
From the time that humanity was created, God loves all people. He desires their well being, and wants the best for all of humanity. God provides food for all of his creation, especially human beings. God has given every human being authority over the other creatures of the earth, and so indicated that every human is significant. God also speaks to every person about their sin, in order to give everyone the opportunity to repent of their sin.

• No person can say that there is no one to care for them— for God cares for them.
• No one can say that there is no one to take care of them—God takes care of them.
• No one can say that they are unimportant—God has given them importance from the beginning of creation.
• No one can say that God rejects them— God will do everything he can to help every person achieve his blessing and a relationship with Him.
• No one can say that God hasn’t spoken to them— God at the very least convicts each person of sin.

This means that whoever you see that you hate— God loves them and cares for them. The people who you think deserve nothing less than torture and punishment—God wants to bless them. God is not scared of unholiness or filthiness. He is not disgusted by the things we are disgusted by. It is a part of God’s holiness that he can overlook unholiness and it is a part of God’s purity that he can embrace impurity. And so nothing is separated from God’s love—no matter how many people may think that someone does not deserve love.

What is humanity that You take thought of him, And the son of man that You care for him? Yet You have made him a little lower than God, And You crown him with glory and majesty! You make him to rule over the works of Your hands; You have put all things under his feet. Psalm 8:5-7

Who Does God Especially Assist?

Although God cares for everyone, he does not assist everyone. After all, not everyone needs his help. Some people do fine on their own, and so they never need him and never really ask for his help. Perhaps those who don’t need God will do what they can to be on God’s good side—go to church everyone once in a while or they may be somewhat religious. But they don’t really need God.

The ones whom God looks to help are the needy, especially the poor. Those who have no other resources to help themselves, those who have no human means of gaining help—those are the ones God especially looks out for. And no wonder, those are the ones who cry out to God for help time and time again. They see their need and they know that there is no one else to turn to except God, and so they seek him out.

This is why God will especially heal and protect the poor above all others. When an injustice is done against the poor, God is there to correct the injustice. And especially, God will punish every person who oppresses those who have no where else to turn. God’s wrath is especially on those who harm those who can do no harm.

The LORD executes justice for the oppressed; The LORD gives food to the hungry. The LORD sets the prisoners free. The LORD opens the eyes of the blind; The LORD raises up those who are bowed down; The LORD loves the righteous; The LORD protects the strangers; He supports the fatherless and the widow, But He thwarts the way of the wicked. Psalm 146:7-9

Who does God choose?
However, not every person will receive God’s blessings. And not everyone is chosen by God to have the opportunity for God’s blessings. What are the blessings of God? Being forgiven of our sins, having a close relationship with Him, living with him forever, and having all of our needs provided for by God forever—that’s what God promises for us. And God chooses particular people to receive of this, while the others he does not.

The strange fact is that God has already chosen these people. All of them. He has made the decision not to choose everyone, but just one nation—a single country. They are the only ones who will be offered this blessing of God. It may seem like favoritism on God’s part, but it is his choice to give gifts as he chooses. And he made this choice from the beginning of the world.

Who did God choose? Originally, he chose Israel. And then, within Israel, he chose Jesus’ people. The nation that God chose is the nation of Jesus. The wonder of Jesus’ people, is that he is open to people of every race, every background, every language, no matter what one has done or even how evil they have been. Jesus is accepting of them all, and is ready to accept them into his people. All who are called are welcome into Jesus’ nation.

But to gain this love from God, we have to choose Jesus. That’s right. In order to be chosen by God, we have to choose Jesus. If we chose Jesus, then we are a part of the people who are chosen by God.

Everyone chosen by God receives his Spirit. Everyone chosen by God is adopted as a child of God, ready to receive of his blessings. And the chosen by God can know the true righteousness of God—what is really good and how to live it out. And they have their past—no matter how evil—wiped away and a new future to look forward to.

In love God predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will. Ephesians 1:5

Who does God bless?

The strange thing, though, is, not everyone who chooses Jesus receives God’s final blessing. Everyone who chooses Jesus has all the grace of God in order to be able to live in Jesus. They have Jesus’ teaching—the true righteousness of God. And they have the Holy Spirit—the power of God to do good. However, unless the believer in Jesus actually does good, they will not enter into God’s kingdom and receive his blessings. They may have all the blessings of God on earth, but in the end, they can lose it all.

Those who do not remain with Jesus can lose it all—Jesus said that his true people would abide in him. Those who act hypocritically can lose it all—Jesus said that those who obey him are his true people. Those who deny Jesus before men can lost it all—Jesus said that those who confess will gain reward. Those who oppress the poor can lose it all—for Jesus told his people to assist the poor. Those who carelessly continue in their sin can lose it all—Jesus offers reward to the repentant.

In the end, those who receive the kingdom of God are those who endure. Not just those who make a commitment to Jesus, but those who stick with it and grow in Jesus and continually become more righteous before him. On the final day of judgement, those who will be loved for all eternity are those who do what is righteous by Jesus’ standard, no matter what obstacles get put in the way. God loves all people, but only those who abide in Jesus to the end of their days will gain the kingdom of God and all of the blessings of it.

Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. Matthew 7:21

Love Your Idiot As Yourself

“Love one another,” “Treat others as you would be treated,” “Love your neighbor as yourself” “Be merciful as your Father in heaven is merciful” “Love your enemy, do good to those who hate you”— Jesus was clear, that loving those around us is our most important task, apart from being faithful to God. And yet, it is funny how we often take our relationships for granted (unless we are dating someone we really like). We assume that we treat everyone fairly and with love—even though sometimes it is “tough love”—and we expect to be treated fairly in return.

Often, however, the most difficult people to love are not those who openly despise us, but those who just irritate us.  Those who are too loud on the bus, who drive the wrong speed, who hold the wrong opinions.  And then there are those who can't communicate well, or who misunderstand what we say.  Also, how are we to deal with people who are ungrateful, selfish or simply hopeless?

Dealing with people is the most difficult task imaginable—just ask God, He has a terrible time with it! Jesus told us that our relationships should be a major priority in our lives just because they would be so difficult to maintain. Jesus didn’t tell us to treat everyone with fairness, but with love and humility. And this means, often, that we need to set aside our own ideals and focus on someone else’s needs and goals. We cannot love if we are just thinking about being “fair” in relationships. To love we must sacrifice and reach out.

1. Meet others needs
When Jesus taught about love, he did not mean that love is a feeling, or a response, or a particular kind of relationship. Rather, when Jesus said, “love” he meant an action. To love is to act in the other person’s benefit, whatever that means. And the most basic way of doing what will help another person is to make an attempt to meet their needs. This is why when Scripture talks about Christian duty, it describes feeding the poor, visiting the sick and welcoming the stranger. Because loving means seeing the need and doing your best to meet it.

But we also need to recognize that people need more than bread and clothes. Jesus himself did much more than meet people’s physical needs—although that was a big part of what he did. Fundamentally, people feel that they have the following needs:

• Survival—Having one’s basic needs met, such as hunger, sleep and health
• Security—Feeling safe from what one fears
• Inner Peace—A sense of contentment with life
• Pleasure—Enjoyment and laughter
• Honor—A sense of being significant to others
• Society—Feeling a part of others and communicating with them

There are other needs that we have—a relationship with God, understanding significant truths, a sense of being a “good person”, but we don’t always feel these needs. The six above we feel almost every day at one point or another, and they deeply control our sense of well-being and color our perception of everything around us. When Jesus met needs, he recognized that people not only needed their “survival” needs met, but also the other ones. Especially in his teaching, he wanted people to feel secure, to have peace, to have joy, to gain honor and to be a part of a good society.

Even so, when we are looking to meet people’s needs, we need not only look at survival needs, although those are foundationally important. But we must also remember to give people respect, to ease people’s fears, to help them laugh and enjoy themselves, to just communicate with others. In doing all of this, we are loving. And all of it is acting in love.

2. Be Humble

Perhaps when you opened this post, you thought, “Oh good—I’ve got a lot of idiots I’m supposed to love.” However, the most important lesson Jesus taught us in loving others is “the first shall be last and the last first.” If we really want to love others, the first step is to remember that, more often than not, WE are the idiots, not the people around us. Rather than thinking, “I wish so-and-so could read this tract,” you need to take responsibility for your own idiocy in relationships. If we are really going to love, we need to be humble. How can we do that?

• If a mistake was made, give others the benefit of the doubt
• Take blame upon yourself, instead of pushing it on others
• Focus on what other’s need, not yourself
• If changes need to be made in communication, take as much responsibility on yourself as you can
• Pray for other’s blessing—especially those you are in conflict with

If we place ourselves in the giving position, then we will find that we can actually deserve the honor we might expect others to give to us—whether we get it or not. Most importantly, assume that the other person is trying to be as good and as polite as they can. You may feel that they are acting rude or badly or stupidly. But, chances are, they are not. They are just trying to meet their needs, just like you are.

3. Recognize differences in communication

Another way we can be humble is to recognize that, more often than not, the people around us are not idiots, or jerks, or rude, but they have different communication patterns than we do. If we see someone who looks like an immigrant come up to us and speak loudly in a foreign language, waving his hands, we would not think he was rude, but that he just didn’t have the same customs that we do. But if we see someone speak to us in our language, with our accent, speaking loudly and waving her hands, we would think that she is rude, or possibly have some mental problems. But some people grow up in situations in which speaking loudly (or quietly) and using expansive gestures (or using none at all) is normal, and they are just trying to speak to us normally. We do not feel that it is normal at all—we feel that it is rude, or that they have a problem with us. But often it is not that case at all. We have to take account of other’s different way of speaking.

For instance, different people have a different sense of how long one must pause to allow another person to speak. If one person expects people to talk over her, then she might not give anyone else a chance to speak, and so feel that no one is interested in what she is talking about, because no one is responding. On the other hand, another person might feel that she is hogging up all the time to speak because she won’t stop for a few seconds so they can chime in. Neither person is rude, they just don’t understand how the other person communicates.

There are many kinds of communication differences: How much space to give another person when talking, how direct or indirect one’s requests should be, what kind of touching is appropriate between people, how people should apologize, and how a conversation should begin. Instead of assuming others are “idiots”, perhaps we should try their kind of communication with them and see if they respond positively to it.

4. Respond Positively to Interactions

Every time we communicate with others, we may have as many as a hundred interactions with them in ten minutes. With everything people say to us, we are reacting—even if we think we are giving a neutral or a non-response. With every bit of communication, we either respond with them—on their side—against them or just ignoring them. In a positive relationship, up to 9 out of 10 responses will be positive. If even four out of ten of the responses one gives is offensive or ignoring the other, then the relationship is rapidly going downhill, and may never recover unless something is done.

A negative response to someone doesn’t mean that you can’t disagree with them. On the contrary, two people could be having a conflict, but their reactions are positive toward each other. It is HOW they disagree. If they keep the conversation upbeat, break the heavy discussion with humor sometimes, always show respect for the other person and the relationship, then even a conflict can be a positive relationship. However, if a conversation is characterized by biting sarcasm, insults, outbursts of anger, threats, treating the other like a child, or simply ignoring what another person says, then that conversation will tear down the relationship.

In loving others, we need to work on our communication, so we always try to respond positively. This does not mean just ending the conversation on an upbeat note, but trying to communicate in a positive way throughout the conversation. This can be difficult, and we can make many mistakes along the way, but with God’s help we can do it—even to those who have hurt us.

5. Find the True Meaning behind the Words

None of us means what we say. Most of our communication is a parable of what we really mean. We often ask “how are you?”, but we almost never are looking for a doctor’s diagnosis. A husband may say “I love you,” but not at that moment feel a surge of emotion for his wife. Our child may say, “I don’t feel good,” but they might just be emotionally hurt, not having a physical ailment. Even so, quite a bit of our words have meaning that is not stated directly in the words we used.

And it isn’t only words. I could say, “My mother in law is coming to visit,” and depending on the look on my face or my tone of voice, I would communicate to you whether I liked that idea or not. But if you didn’t understand my non verbal communication—you heard disgust in my voice when I was trying to communicate with my face happy anticipation—then we will get our wires crossed and spend time trying to unravel the miscommunication.

Or we might get into a conflict with another person, and we can argue about the silliest things—whether the sky is actually sky blue or not—whatever. But if we get into a conflict, often the conflict is not about what we are directly discussing. Perhaps the argument is about how one communicates. Or it could be about a long-held ideal or dream that hasn’t been communicated yet. And the conflict could go on eternally without resolution, because the true meaning of the conflict hasn’t yet been discussed.

If the person we are communicating with understands our indirect communication, fine, no problem. However, every time we use indirect communication, we are taking the chance that the other person might misunderstand. And then we don’t understand what they misunderstood because we communicated as clearly as we could—or so we thought.

We need to do our best to get behind the simple meaning of the words. And how do we do this? We ask. We tell the other person what they think they meant by a face or an argument, and give them a chance to explain in a different way.

6. Listen Carefully

Jesus told us that we must “Be careful how you listen.” It is never enough to just listen, but we must listen in a way that communicates. Even our listening communicates a reaction to what others say. And how we listen can either meet others needs or tear them down.

If we do not look like we are listening to the other person, then they think we are ignoring them and they are not important to us. One person may expect someone to look at her when she is talking, but her partner may need to look at the floor to concentrate. Even if he can repeat everything she said, she will still not feel listened to, but ignored. When listening, we need to show that we are interested, in the best way we can, in the way the person we are listening to understands.

We might ask questions, but not too many. We might make listening “noises” like “uh huh”, but not too often.  We might nod, but not too excitedly. If we do not do these things enough, the other will think that we are ignoring them. But if we do these things too much, then the other person will think that we are not trying to listen, but to take over the conversation. We must find the right balance for each person.

The most important part of listening in love is two things: First, don’t be trying to force your agenda on the other person. Let them say what they need to say. Second, do your best to give them your full attention. Because we live in a society in which everyone feels that everyone is too busy to listen, this is the best gift that anyone can give.

(Thanks to the work of John M Gottman and Deborah Tannan)

Madness

Jesus is the piper, and we are the children.  He is leading us the asylum, so we can be mad for love as He is.

He provides rain and food to all, even to the ungrateful, even to the wicked.

Even so, we shall not ask, “Who is my enemy that I am to love?”  Rather, we should see all people as enemies so we may lavish on them the love that only our enemy deserves.

We shall see all people as our neighbors so that we could give them all manner of things that they do not deserve.

We shall give praise to the criminal, so that they might repent from the kindness of God.

We shall bless those who threaten us and our families so that we might know the blessings of love.

We shall take those who take advantage of us and give them even more so that we might be filled with the riches of God.

We shall lay hands on those who deserve to be beaten and pray for their healing.

We shall embrace the sinner and offer them forgiveness.

Such is the madness of Christ!  Embrace it!  Do not allow yourself to be swayed by sanity, for the love of Christ compels us!  Give in to the madness, for only in surrendering completely to mercy will we receive mercy!

Only in poverty shall we obtain the kingdom of God!

Only in making peace shall we be called the sons of God!

Only in embracing suffering shall we be heirs with Christ!

Clothe yourself with the madness of Christ! 

And if the strains of love are so much that you go to bed each night as though beaten;

If you collapse under the weight of the burden of love;

If you cry out to mercy from God because you can no longer raise your head from love—

Then at least do this, do not harm!

Keep your silence rather than speak abuse.

Keep still rather than hit your brother.

Starve yourself rather than withhold bread from the hungry.

In this we shall learn the infinite patience and grace of God. 

In this we are transformed in our minds.

In this we become saints.

In everything we do, we must love

In everything we don’t do, we must love.

Let us become drunk on the cup of love,

Rejoicing with those who rejoice

And weeping with those who weep—

Let the party begin!

The Right to Sustained Living

Everyone loves this statement: "We are endowed by our creator certain unalienable human rights: The right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." Something like that. It's a great statement because it gets down to what we all want. We all want the ability to survive (we don't want anyone killing us for any old reason); we all want freedom to live as we feel we should (we can't always get what we want, but we can try...); and we all want the freedom to go after our own kind of happiness (to get drunk after Rachel turned us down for a date, for example).

But we need to realize that this statement is, or should be, qualified. Not that these rights aren't all cool, or the statement isn't true, but that we all should realize that life is a little bit more important than the pursuit of happiness. And even liberty, when it comes down to that. We are all free when we are dead. But when we are dead, let's say that we can't really appreciate our freedom quite as much. There is no happiness when you are dead, so it's awfully tough to pursue. It's hard to pursue anything. Even Rachel.

So life seems to be the basis for any other right. If we don't have life, we really don't have anything. Really. This means that life should be a right more than any other. Again, not to say that the other issues aren't important, but life is just that little bit more important.

Now you may expect me to start talking about abortion or the death penalty or war because when we talk about life issues those subjects inevitably come up. Instead I want to talk about a subject we don't usually discuss when talking about the right to life-- that is, sustaining life.

Life is complicated, if you are human. Or any kind of mammal, but let's stick to humans. To sustain life you have to eat and drink everyday. And it matters what kind of food and drink you have because if it's poison-- like, for instance, cyanide in your water-- well, you don't live long. Also, if someone is going around beating you up on a regular basis, its tough to keep alive. Just as well, if you are so sick that you die... well, you're dead. And perhaps you are stuck overnight in a snowstorm without shoes. Or a shirt. That would certainly limit your chances of living.

This means that the right to life is not just no one coming in your bedroom to kill you, but it means having the ability to sustain one's life. To keep it going. Staying alive is a tough job and we have to do it every day. Without exception.

And everyone needs this, and, in our charter statement there, everyone deserves this. A human right is what we deserve just by being human. Just by being alive. Because we are human and we are alive, we deserve to live. This means that we deserve to have what is necessary to keep living.

And this is without exception. Sure, a newborn baby deserves to live and we'll pour thousands of dollars to make sure the baby lives. But a thief deserves to live as well. And the irritating neighbor. And the scary meth addict who lives down the street. And the bully who beat up your kid. Now, in your more angry moments you may think that some of these folks don't deserve to live. But in your heart of hearts you know that's not true. You'd feel the pain of the meth addict you know being knifed just as much as your cool neighbor (not the one who irritates you).

And so, if these folks deserve to have life, then they deserve to have their life sustained. Everyone, without exception, deserves to eat and drink everyday. Everyone deserves to have access to health care to keep them alive. Maybe not to see a doctor when they have a cold, but when they have a serious injury or illness, they should have health care. Everyone deserves to be free from violence. Everyone deserves to have shelter, especially when the weather is scary. Everyone.

Societally, we understand this (sometimes). When we throw someone into prison, we don't throw them into a damp hole with no roof and no heat in the winter. We make sure they are fed everyday, have clean water, some health care, shelter, safety from (most) violence, and more. We recognize a prisoner's right to keep living, even if we don't recognize their right for liberty. Even though for society's sake it was determined that some must be locked up, yet these at the bottom of societal ladder are given that which is necessary to keep living. The same with those in locked down mental institutions. They are even protected from themselves, if necessary, in order to sustain the life.

But we don't apply this to everyone. If you are homeless, then you may not have the right to go to the bathroom in a safe environment. If you are on welfare, you may not have the right to feed your kids enough. If you have a minimum wage job, you do not have the right to sustain yourself. If you have an undiagnosed mental illness, you do not have the right to have shelter. If you have a severe social issue (for instance, an excess of testosterone that causes uncontrollable anger at times) then you do not have the right to have a sustainable income. And if you live in certain places in India or Africa you do not have the right to clean drinking water. You do not have the right to immunizations that will keep your children well. You do not have the right to have medication that will keep your AIDS under control.

It isn't that there isn't enough help for you. There's plenty. There is so many resources in the world that humans have access to, sustainable life is something that could be available to everyone. But it isn't because for those who have access to the most resources, the right to life isn't as important as their personal right to pursue happiness.

And, in the end, that is the worst wrong in the world.

Every human without exception has the right to:

Eat food daily
Drink clean water daily
Access to a clean place for waste disposal
Cover their bodies appropriately for the weather
Have shelter from dangerous weather
Access to health care to treat life threatening or serious debilitating injury or illness
Associate with other human beings
Freedom from violence (especially from society's protectors)
Access to life saving knowledge (including literacy)

It should be the top priority of all societies-- whether led by governments, NGOs or churches-- to grant every person in every society access to sustainable life.

Love Is The Basis of Ethics

I know a woman who had an abortion when she was young. The infant wasn’t the product of rape, it just wasn’t the right time for the couple to have the baby. Abortion, in this case, was being used for birth control. Since it had just been legalized, why shouldn’t she take advantage of it? Years later, however, that decision haunted her and she considered that she had killed her only daughter.

A number of years ago I met a professional drunk who was homeless. He was interested in whatever help we would be willing to offer. However, he had clearly already lied to my wife and I and he, frankly, had an obnoxious personality and smelled of wine processed through his pores.

A woman who had stayed in our house for years has been struggling with drug addiction for years, but she is losing the fight. She won’t work in the house or pay rent and gets angry when I approach her about it.

This is the kind of stuff that ethics are made of. Difficult situations. Some small and some large. Libraries have been created on the ethics of abortion, homeless, drug addiction, homosexuality, war, adultery, marriage and much more. When we think about these issues philosophically, we make one ethical choice, but when we face them in real life, we might very well make another.

In philosophy, there are two names that come to the forefront of ethical thought: Mills and Kant. John Stuart Mills taught that the basis of correct moral decision is happiness. Decide what makes the most people happy over the longest period of time, and that is the correct decision. Kant thought that the basis of ethics is duty. If we know what we should do, the right thing, then to do anything else is unethical. However, neither can be completely true. If a friend of mine experienced a death in the family, my empathy doesn’t make either of us happier, but isn’t it more right to feel for him than to not? If my duty is to not lie and obey government, does that make it right for me to tell the Nazis at my door that the Jews are hidden under the panel in the dining room floor?

The heart of right action is in the heart of human existence and experience. And human experience is found in the midst of others. Most of these others are human—we come out of our mother’s womb, live in a community, learn with children, connect with neighbors, buy from retailers, read the words of authors, work with co-workers, care for pets, have sex with lovers and hopefully, die with family. Since our whole life is spent with others, then the heart of the most basic decisions—that of right and wrong—also has to do with others.

But what is the nature of our relation with others, of life in general? The basic experience of all life is need. We are all a gaping hole needing to be filled. Three meals a day. Six cups of water. Sleep. Health when we are sick. A kind word. A good talk. Support when depressed. A good story. The needs perpetuate without end—the basic truth of life. And we spend our time filling these needs. We get a job so we can get money to meet our needs. We remain in long term relationships to meet our needs. We purchase things—a comfortable bed, a good book—to meet the needs of rest and pleasure.

To see ourselves as full of need, constantly being fulfilled, is to see us as life. And if this is what life is, this is what every living being is on the planet. Around every single one of us is another gaping hole, another sponge in constant need of filling. Yea, not just one, but many, hundreds, millions, even billions. Some of us pretty much meet our own needs. But for every one that is self-sufficient, there are a thousand or a million that are not. Every child is in need of raising until they are grown. Every spouse is in need of the love of their partner. Every ill person is in need of the care of another. Every destitute person is in need of assistance. And every person is in need of another to talk to, to obtain respect from, to love and to be loved.

This is the true foundation of ethics. Not the partnership of command and submission. Not the limitations of pleasure. Rather the recognition that everyone’s need is the equivalent of our own. And that even as we are in need of others to meet our need, we must live our lives to meet other’s needs. Not as a duty, although it can be considered a responsibility. Not as a part of our own pleasure, although we can find joy in it. Rather, we meet needs because it is a part of life, part of the community we live in.

To see the other’s need and to recognize it as a part of one’s own; to not only observe the need, but to feel it; to meet the need of the other and so be completed oneself—this is love. It may sound like co-dependency. But codependency is acting toward the other’s hurt, and so establishing one’s own hurt as well. Love recognizes true need, not just felt need, and fills the gaping hole. Love never turns away. Love does something.

And this is the good life. The life of love.

The woman on drugs on our house? We confronted her, but didn’t force her to leave until she had another place to be. On her own, she still struggles with addiction, but is on the road to recovery. Without basic structure, she would never succeed.

The homeless drunk? He stayed in our house one night and we found that his screaming in the middle of the night was not good for the rest of us to be able to sleep. But we had him come to dinner. And the next night he came again. The night after, he brought another homeless friend. And now we feed a hundred and fifty people a week, friends with them all, bringing love and hope to street folks and the mentally ill, meeting all the needs we can.

And, finally, the woman struggling with her decision to have an abortion? That was my mother. It was my potential sister she decided to not have. She did not need my forgiveness, as willingly as I would be to give it. She needed the forgiveness of God and of the baby. But in receiving welcome, support and hope from those around her, she experienced the forgiveness of God and her fourth child.

Love truly does conquers all evil, which makes it the most powerful substance in the universe.